Steering Into the Skid: What a Driving Lesson Can Teach Us About Healing from Trauma

We’ve all heard it in driving school: if your car starts to fishtail on a slippery road, don’t jerk the wheel away from the slide. Instead, steer into the skid.

It’s counterintuitive. Our every instinct screams to fight against the loss of control. But by turning the steering wheel in the direction of the slide, we align our tires with the inertia, allowing the car to regain its traction and stability.

What does this have to do with trauma, anxiety, or the daily challenges of being human?

This vital driving lesson holds a profound key to emotional and psychological healing. So often, when we face emotional discomfort, triggers, or pain, our nervous system (especially one shaped by trauma) learns to “jerk the wheel.” We overcorrect. We avoid, we numb, we people-please, we react in ways that, while intended to protect us, often create more fallout and a greater sense of losing control.

• What if, when appropriate, we learned to lean in?

• What if we learned to steer into the emotional skid?

From Reactive to Responsive: The Power of Leaning In

“Steering into the skid” in an emotional context means consciously choosing to move toward discomfort instead of away from it. It’s not about forcing yourself into harmful situations, but about building the muscle to stay present with difficult feelings like anger, shame, fear, or grief to feel them, understand their message, and respond from a place of choice rather than react from a place of panic.

When we constantly overcorrect and avoid, we never learn that we can handle the discomfort. We reinforce the belief that the emotion itself is a threat that must be escaped. But when we lean in with curiosity and compassion, we send a new message to our nervous system: I can be with this. I can survive this feeling.

How to Practice "Steering Into the Skid" in Your Life

This isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about small, intentional moments of practice.

1. Notice the "Skid": The first step is awareness. When do you feel the urge to emotionally "jerk the wheel"? Is it when you feel criticized? When a memory surfaces? When you have to set a boundary? Acknowledge the impulse to react or flee.

2. Pause and Breathe: Before you overcorrect, create a moment of space. A single deep breath can be enough to interrupt the automatic reaction and create room for a choice.

3. Gently Turn Toward It: Ask yourself with kindness: What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body? What is this emotion trying to tell me or protect me from? This is the act of steering into it, meeting the feeling with curiosity instead of fear.

4. Regain Your Traction: By acknowledging the feeling and its purpose, you align yourself with the present moment. You move from being controlled by the emotion to being in a relationship with it. This is where you regain a sense of agency and flow.

The Destination is Flexibility (Not Control)

The goal of “steering into the skid” isn’t to eliminate life’s slippery roads or emotional challenges. They are inevitable. The goal is to build the flexibility and resilience to navigate them without spinning out.

When we practice this, we often find that what lies on the other side of leaning in isn't a catastrophe, but a deeper connection to ourselves, and often, a state of greater ease, joy, and authentic connection with others.

Our trauma-focused approach is built on these principles. We help our clients understand their protective mechanisms, not as enemies, but as parts that learned to skid to survive. Together, we practice turning toward those parts with compassion, building the capacity for response flexibility, and ultimately, finding a more sustainable path to healing.

If you feel stuck in cycles of reaction and are ready to build a more responsive, flexible life, we are here to help. Reach out to learn more about our trauma-focused programs.

Budget as a Boundary: How Money Teaches What Words Can’t

In our last group, we explored what to do when you can’t fix it, how surrendering control often creates space for healing. This week, we turn to something that stirs up just as much anxiety:  money.

More specifically, budgeting.

It may seem mundane, but money has a way of exposing everything, our fears, our guilt, our hopes, and our blind spots. And when it comes to supporting a loved one in recovery, financial boundaries often reveal just how tangled love and enabling can become.

Entitlement Meets Unlimited Resources

Many of the young adults a team works with can come from families with significant resources. For years, they’ve had access to comfort, convenience, and, at times, unchecked indulgence. It’s not uncommon to see a $400 Uber Eats bill, a new pair of shoes to “cope with stress,” or regular spa days funded by a parent’s debit card.

Why? Because when a loved one is finally in treatment, especially after a long and painful journey, it’s tempting to say yes to everything else:

• “They’re doing the work, I don’t want to add pressure.”

• “It’s just money, they’ve already lost so much.”

• “If this helps them stay calm, it’s worth it.”

We understand that impulse. We really do.

But there’s a difference between support and subsidizing "self-soothing." And in recovery, that difference matters.

Budgeting Is Not About the Money

A budget is not a punishment. It’s not even really about finances. It’s a boundary.

And boundaries, when done well, are one of the greatest tools we have to support someone’s growth.

A boundary says:

“This is the limit. Inside it,  you are safe.

                                                                  Outside it, things fall apart.”

In early sobriety, where life can feel unstructured and overwhelming, boundaries create a sense of containment. They reduce chaos. They teach patience. And, perhaps most importantly, they give your loved one the chance to learn how to live with limits.

“But I’m Not Allowed to Talk to the Therapist…”

You may not have access to your loved one’s therapist or case manager. In many cases, clients sign confidentiality agreements restricting staff from speaking with parents or guardians. This can feel infuriating, like you’re locked out of your own child’s life while footing the bill.

Still, you do have a say. Not in their therapy, but in the finances.

You are allowed to say no. 

You are allowed to structure your giving. You are allowed to pause and evaluate whether your money is helping, or accidentally prolonging dysfunction.

In fact, budgeting might be the very thing that opens up communication, because financial pushback is often the first place where honesty becomes necessary.

So Where Do You Start? A Practical Guide

Even without direct access to the clinical team, you can take concrete steps:

1. Assume Essentials Are Covered

Unless you’ve been told otherwise, sober living and treatment usually include:

• Meals or groceries

• Housing and utilities

• Therapy and recovery support

• Transportation to appointments

So what might they actually need from you?

• Modest weekly cash or debit allowance

• Personal hygiene or grooming items

• Occasional clothing replacements (not trends)

• Cell phone bill (if appropriate)

• Gas or transit pass

Anything outside of this, entertainment, gifts, luxuries, is not essential.

2. Use Tools with Boundaries

Pick a method that offers control and visibility:

• Reloadable debit cards (e.g., Greenlight, GoHenry, FamZoo).

• Prepaid gift cards for gas, groceries, Uber.

• Limited phone plans with spending controls.

Avoid open-ended transfers like Venmo or Zelle unless you’re prepared for zero oversight.

3. Communicate Clearly

Even without ongoing dialogue, you can send a message or note that says:

“We are providing $X per week to support your recovery needs. This is not meant for luxury or entertainment. We won’t increase the amount based on emotional pressure or frustration. We trust this will help you grow.”

You don’t have to defend it. You just have to stay consistent.

4. Expect Pushback. Hold the Line.

You may get:

• Angry texts

• Guilt trips

• Claims that you’re jeopardizing their recovery

Hold the line anyway. It will be uncomfortable before it’s effective. But eventually, they adjust. They learn. And they grow.

Because over time, a limit becomes a form of love. A container. A structure.

This is how we support your healing, not your comfort.

That’s what a budget is.

Not a rejection.

Not a punishment.

A loving “no” that makes room for a deeper, more sustainable yes.

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Family Finance FAQ:

Protecting Your Credit Cards and Setting Limits

Q: My loved one still seems to be charging things, even though I stopped giving them money. How is that possible?

A: In many cases, your credit card may still be linked to apps like Uber, Uber Eats, Apple, or Amazon. If they’ve used your card before, the info may be saved, or they may have memorized the number.

Q: What can I do to stop unauthorized or passive use of my credit card?

1. Cancel and Replace the Card

• Call your credit card company and ask for a new number.

• This is the most secure way to prevent ongoing access.

2. Remove Saved Payment Info

• Log in to services like Uber, Apple, Amazon, etc., and delete your card.

• If you ever shared login credentials, change the passwords immediately.

3. Enable Alerts

• Set up real-time notifications for all purchases (many cards allow alerts for charges over a certain amount).

• You’ll know right away if the card is being used.

4. Use Prepaid Tools Instead

• Try reloadable debit cards (e.g., Greenlight, GoHenry) or prepaid gift cards.

• These offer limited access and visibility, with no backdoor to your primary accounts.

Q: What if they ask for my card in an “emergency”?

A: If you feel unsure, take a pause. Emergencies are rare. You can always ask for details and offer to pay vendors or providers directly, without giving open access. Stick to the structure you’ve created.

Q: What should I say when I remove access?

“We’ve removed the old card info and changed our passwords. We’re not doing this to punish you, we’re doing it to help you learn how to live within limits and focus on your recovery. If something essential comes up, let us know.”

Reminder:

This is how we support your healing, not your comfort.

Sticking to financial boundaries is hard, but essential. It teaches trust, containment, and responsibility in ways that words alone cannot.

From Eggshells to Steadiness: What a Horse Whisperer Can Teach Families in Recovery

If you’re the parent, partner, sibling, or even a close friend of someone recovering from addiction or navigating a mental health crisis, you’ve probably had this thought:

“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”

This feeling is incredibly common, not just in recovery but in any relationship marked by reactivity, volatility, or emotional unpredictability.

The fear of "setting one off" can make us cautious, careful or even silent.

We learn to tiptoe around issues, hold our breath, or silence ourselves for fear of triggering something worse.

Over time, that pattern wears us down. It erodes trust, increases resentment, and slowly chips away at our sense of self.

So what’s the alternative?

What if it’s not about being perfect. But about being present?

   🎬 Want to See This in Action?

Meet Buck Brannaman, a real-life horse whisperer featured in the 2011 documentary Buck. In one unforgettable scene, Buck steps into a pen with a skittish, defensive horse, one that’s clearly been hurt before.

He doesn’t dominate. He doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t walk on eggshells, either.

He stays calm. Present. Attuned.

📽️ Watch the trailer: at end of blog

Relating, Not Controlling

Your loved one isn’t a horse. But their nervous system, especially after trauma or addiction, still responds to tone, energy, and felt safety in very similar ways.

That’s what makes Buck’s approach such a powerful metaphor:

How you show up matters especially when you can’t control the outcome.

🎥 Boundaries Make It Safe to Stop Tiptoeing

Just like Buck models grounded presence with animals, we can learn to model the same with people, especially those in recovery.

One of the clearest tools? Boundaries.

Not the cold, punishing kind. But the kind that says:

“This is what’s okay. This is what’s not. I still care.”

📺 Watch this short 2-minute clip (opens on a new tab- come right back to continue) breakdown on boundaries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTqDfb-QhNg

Walking on Eggshells vs. Walking with Intention

When someone is newly sober, struggling with their mental health, or easily triggered, families often try to “keep the peace” by becoming overly agreeable, quiet, or emotionally invisible.

That might seem kind, but it usually leads to:

• Emotional suppression and quiet resentment

• Loss of authenticity and connection

• The recovering person being seen as fragile or dangerous

You don’t have to be mean. But you don’t have to disappear, either.

You can be honest without being harsh. You can be steady without being silent.

What Buck Models That We Can Practice

Buck doesn’t walk on eggshells; he walks with grounded intention.

That’s the practice:

Not fixing the other person, but becoming someone emotionally honest, steady, and safe to connect with.

                  💭 Reflection Questions for Personal Practice

• What do I fear will happen if I say something honest to my loved one?

  
  

• When have I felt most grounded and connected in a hard conversation?

  
  

• Am I protecting their recovery or avoiding my own discomfort?

  
  

• What tone or energy do I want to bring into difficult moments?

🐎 “You’re not here to control the horse. You're here to offer a safe place to land.”

That line captures the essence of Buck’s philosophy, and it speaks directly to family recovery.

Families often feel responsible for preventing relapse, emotional outbursts, or setbacks. But that mindset leads to control, not connection.

Instead:

You don’t have to fix their healing journey. You don’t have to anticipate every shift. You can be a calm, consistent presence a place to land.

That’s not resignation. That’s transformation.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect; Just Present

Progress in recovery isn’t linear. Neither is communication.

But your presence your ability to stay clear, honest, and grounded, creates an opening for connection and healing.

Let’s stop walking on eggshells. Let’s start walking with steadiness, curiosity, and compassion.

You can’t control the triggers. But you can become someone worth coming home to.

🎥 Want to Go Deeper?

• Watch the trailer

• Watch the full film (YouTube link)

Buck is one of the most moving portraits of post-traumatic recovery I’ve ever seen, a masterclass in quiet, grounded presence in the face of fear.

Special note: Revolve Launches Powerful New Equine TherapyWe’re thrilled to introduce a powerful new healing experience at Revolve: Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy blending the evidence-based Eagala Model, our signature Trauma Ecology Integration Model™ (TEIM™), and Parts Work.

Led by a licensed trauma therapist and equine specialist, this dynamic, somatic approach helps clients regulate, reconnect, and heal beyond traditional talk therapy.

📞 (213) 693-1606 | ✉️ revolve@revolverecovery.com